As a child, I struggled with a fear of rejection and a need for acceptance. If you read my earlier chapters, then you’ll know what I’m talking about. The sad truth is that the pain of severe rejection doesn’t go away as you get older. You have to deal with it in one fashion or another.
For me, I chose to hide in fantasy role-playing games. I got involved in these games when I was in college. In 1990, fantasy role-playing games became a place of refuge from the outside world. My old group probably did not know of the hellish summer from a few years before. That summer ordeal served to exacerbate the existing emotional pains in my heart.
In 1990, I was introduced to the world of fantasy role playing games. It seems that I had found my hidey-hole. It was a chance to escape and hide from the outside world. I deceived myself into thinking the games would somehow help me. In reality, these games are not meant to solve problems of the heart.
What kinds of games am I talking about? Games like Generic Universal Role Playing (GURP), Advanced Dungeons & Dragons (AD&D), Top Secrets, and Marvel Superheroes. The group would use a paper based character sheet and dices when playing. I would just create a fictional character and interact in an imagined setting.
By their very nature these games drew me in like a magnet. For me, fantasy role playing games became my hidey-hole. With a touch of irony, I was still afraid to venture forth from my little hole. Do you see a problem?
My hidey-hole was potentially becoming a prison as opposed to a place of safety. I seriously needed to come out my own hidey-hole. I had serious problems and these games were not helping. In reality, they were never meant for such a purpose. By hiding, I was simply avoiding the problems.
Donn was a member of my old group. He did point me in the right direction when saying “You need to talk with a counselor to solve your personal problems. It’s not solved by hiding in a fantasy game world.”
He was right. I had to learn to deal with the problems and not run from them. Thankfully, there is someone that I can easily go to for right counseling. In time, I would learn this truth.
The above is from my first book, A Lesser Human: An Anthology of Overcoming. If you enjoyed what you have read, then I invite you to buy the actual book. It’s currently available on Amazon.
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